"The temperature outside is 74 degrees with a slight wind out of the southeast. Please keep your seat belts securely fastened until we have connected with the jetway and the pilot has turned off the seat belt sign. We know you have many choices when you fly; thank you for flying with us today. And welcome to..."
We have arrived. All our bags came in nicely at the baggage claim (except yours... they searched yours, and your undies are hanging out from where they didn't really zip it back up). Rental car checked out nicely; they even upgraded us. And we're all checked in at the hotel. We're here. The time has come. No more waiting.
Let's do this.
After a long, grueling off-season filled with suspensions and reinstatements, retirements and unretirements, trades and free-agent signings, the NFL season is now. Which means Fantasy Football for the League of the Crust has already begun. But, before all the rip-off trades get offered and the league point leaders get screwed out of wins (who's bitter?), I wanted to do a preview of the East division. So here it goes.
Thundermonkeys R Go!
JMB had one of the more solid lineups last year, and this year it shouldn't be much different. Aaron Rodgers is going to be one of the 5 best fantasy QBs this year, and Greg Jennings is only going to get better. The team did take a major blow when Terrel Owens was signed by the Buffalo Bills, relegating Lee Evans to a number 2 WR. Essentially, it's going to be impossible for both of those wide outs to have a huge day on the same week. But, they are both stud receivers, and with some insecurity at the RB position, it looks as though the Bills may turn to the air for offensive production. Everyone knows that both Marion Barber and Brandon Jacobs are going to produce, and Matt Ryan is going to love his new security blanket in Tony Gonzales. And, if for some reason they don't hit it off, Visanthe Shiancoe is going to make a killing off Brett Favre. He's poised for a breakout year. The Thundermokeys biggest challenge is going to come when his backups are forced to play, either via bye week or injury. There's not really anyone worth putting into a starting lineup on the bench, and because of that, this team will lose some games it probably should win.
Djibouti Crust
Jorge's team has a really interesting makeup. There are a lot of guys that are going to be consistent point factories, but not many that are going to wow us with their massive performances. Romo's career is at a crossroads, and he should step up to the plate this year, and having a whole off-season with new number 1 Roy Williams should be a big help (to Romo, Williams, the Cowboys, and The Crust). Dwayne Bowe is hoping that the Chiefs didn't jump the gun on Cassell, a move that will be scrutinized throughout the season, and the Chargers are hoping for another 1,000+ yards out of Vincent Jackson. Djibouti Crust's weakest position group is that of Running Back. While led by the sure-fire Pierre Thomas (although starting the season injured is never a good sign), the other backs are question marks. Ced Benson is gearing up for his last hurrah, hoping to make the splash that some expected at the beginning of his career, and Felix Jones is trying to stay healthy so he does make that impact that he showed he could last year. The sleeper of this team might be TE Dustin Keller. Superstar rookie QBs and solid running games can make tight ends look really good, and Keller is a good enough player to capitalize on an opportunity like this one. Oh, and mark my words: Jorge will get a victory this year solely on the backs of the best defense in the NFL, the Minnesota Vikings. Overall, if a few of Jorge's question marks turn into exclamation points, Djibouti Crust could be tough to beat.
Deion Found Jesus
Robby G is poised to score the most points via the pass than any other team in the League of the Crust this season. Tom Brady is back and his knee looks healthy. He's not going to throw 50 TDs again, but he should be in the 40s. And, while I'm glad that I am not the proud owner of one Brandon Marshall simply because it is hard to replace the arm of his former QB, Jake Cutler, it would be a mistake to deny his immense talent. Marshall isn't the only 1200-yard receiver on DFJ that lost his passer in the off-season either. Antonio Bryant is coming off of a breakout year, and expecting one of the 19 Buccaneer QBs to just get the ball somewhere close to him. Also, there's Reggie Wayne. Enough said. Even Chris Henry should have a solid (if not stellar) year. Carson is back in action, and Henry has looked good in camp and the pre-season. However, Robby is going to struggle mightily to score points on the ground. LT is always good for points, as long as he can stay on the field, which isn't a guarantee. I am, however, concerned that Darren Sproles, the other back on the Bolts, is also going to be starting opening day for DFJ. While he will get a point for every hand-off the Chargers run this year, he has handicapped himself by nearly guaranteeing not having a day when both RBs are stars. And if either goes down, he has no one to pick up the pieces.
Prediction
When the season comes to a close after week 13, the credits will roll in the order they appeared.
Thundermonkeys are going to lead this division with great QB play and two of the best RBs in the league. Greg Jennings is going to show that he, along with Rodgers, are undervalued.
Djibouti Crust will finish second through surprise efforts on the parts of Romo, R. Williams, and Benson. All three are going to out-perform their expectations, and the rest of his lineup is going to keep him consistently competitive.
That relegates Deion Found Jesus to last in the division, but only by a nose. The lack of any real running backs on any team not playing in SoCal is going to be his demise. Don't get me wrong, he's gonna light a few people up, and may even finish this season with the highest single week score, but any week where the Chargers play a team with good run defense, it's going to be tough to win.
So, there you have it. The East division in (really long) nutshell. Now please stow all tray tables and place seat backs in the upright and locked position, because we're taking off. And it might be a bumpy ride.
